I could use the words God and spirit and soul. But I have to redefine them based on my beliefs as an agnostic.
Today I return to LB. Grieving. Still grieving. Perhaps with a lot of internal work to do ahead. To remind myself that I wasn’t just letting life pass by me in the past 12 years. But that I was actually growing. Becoming.
I am indeed feeling depression. But I do not despair. The depression is telling me that I could do something about it. It is not the case that I didn’t do anything in the past 12 years. The thing is that everyday is a new walk. And in the wilderness, change is the norm. There were friendships, communities I’ve been a part of. But the cost of freedom is that these communities are never tight. Whether I eventually become a part of a more stable “church” or not, I know what it feels like to be in the wilderness. And I know that it is possible to sustain oneself there. And whenever I feel that being part of a church is the next best thing for me to do, I know that I will cherish this experience with all my heart. It will be more worth it.
But how do I begin?
I am currently in a slightly better position financially. My sustenance projects are:
- OVIC updates
- Editing Improvement
A day could be: AM
- Spiritual routine
- Editing improvement
PM 3. OVIC updates 4. Afternoon spiritual routine
The morning spiritual routine should be brief but uplifting.
The bulk of my mornings should be spent getting better at editing until I find a job.
Late afternoons and evenings could be used for:
- contemplation (walking in nature)
- spiritual readings
Must prepare a reading list that I tweak for this purpose. Perhaps a Canban?
Vendor: Ma’am bili ka na po ng turon. Sayang naman ang opportunity.