Day 02
10858 steps
Closer look of the KH at Rimando. Summerhill seems to have changed its name. SL still Friday evening and Sunday afternoon schedules.
Walked past a house of an elder. This is where I learned to drink.
Somewhere here is the house of an all-girls family.
House at bugallion
- used to stand here at the corner waiting for taxi
- Cant help but to look so i went inside the eskinita. Saw the house. It is as clean as it can be.
- Tell about ate raks and ate etchy’s family.
- Ate raks treated me like a real brother. Her mother treated me like a son.
- I stayed in this place for a couple of months until they left and I stayed. Tried to stay. I backed out at the last minute after my family secured the apartment at Ambiong where I lived with my youngest sister during my third year in college.
- Ate raks and kuya ed had a huge age gap. They didnt want I child (not sure actually if didnt want or cant).
- Kuya ed was good friends with kuya pete. Been friends even when they werent JWs yet. Cant remember how both became believers but they werent born into the faith like i did.
- on my third year, a cousin of ate raks, ate etchy moved from Manila to Baguio with her three sons. One was about to go to college and they needed a new start.
- Ate etchy had an unbeliever husband who works abroad. She told me i was a father figure to her kids. I was 18 but was seen as a father figure by this woman. Wtf. But I tried to live up to that expectation.
- Her eldest called me crying when he learned I had depression. Thought it was severe. Talked to me like I had cancer. I told him I’m not dying. He really saw me as a role model back then. Cant remember when we last saw each other. Stalked him once in FB. He seems to be living abroad, working. Had I stayed I would’ve encouraged him to keep his life simple and pursue the ministry instead. I know he wouldve listened to me. Makes me think how one man’s life could’ve been affected with me leaving. How all their lives may hVe been affected no matter how small.
Writing this now puts the suffering I went thru in more persoective. While in the middle of the depression, its difficult to see beyond pain. My mind went through a dramatic change, reorganizing its cells, that it completely forgot about empathy, the people who once relied on me, looked up to me. The depression was a black hole that sucked all light. The moment I saw a little light, i was so focused on getting back on my feet all the selflessness I once radiated were gone: my work with the deaf was abandoned, these younger humans looking up at me were abandoned, kuya william, with which I dedicate this walk was abandoned.
Kuya William walks
- things unseen
- Write about how he lost his eyesight
- Our problems with him
- How he eats a lot perhaps because he cant see his food
- Listens to audio recordings of the magazines
- For people like him, the faith is a purpose. It is in this instances where I feel genuine gratefulness to religious beliefs despite the untruth. One witnesses how it changes people and one is at least thankful for who has changed. I couldve just focused on what kuya william represented. But went too far away. I became a pigeon who flew too far. I was dealt with different cards. Have a different story to finish.
- If there is one thing i would like to know about. It is whatever happened to kuya pete. Could he have learned to use a dog. Did he ever found work. Is he even still alive. Gosh its been 12 years. Who among them is still alive?
- Trying to remember how it feels like again to have his hand on my shoulder walking rimando road
- I wonder what his pace was. He was blind but i dont remember our pace slow. He kept up. We just had to be mindful of steps. But on side walks like this we walk quite fast.
- Suddenly i felt the burden of having yet his hand behind me him trailing me. I felt like I have to let go of thinking about him and return to the walk as it is occuring now. Without him.
- The freezing breeze blew behind me, touched my triceps telling me to continue moving forward
- On one of our walks i met a buddhist. Didnt know how to talk to him.
Rose garden is usuall where our walk begins a new turn. We would pass by it and then walk around burnham park.
Rose Garden
This is where we used to gather before field ministry. Almost all JWs no matter what congregation used this spot. It is where we waited for friends who almost always arrive late. While waiting we would move around giving tracts to people.
Today I sit across it. It is empty. No one cares to sit on it. A few people passed by but didn’t sit. This morning, it is me and this bench alone.
From afar a young man walks as an older guy holds him on his right shoulder. The older guy wasn’t blind. Probably had a stroke. Totally different thing. But it is close what I was imagining me and Kuya pete looked like in the past walking around this place.
Mormons about 4 of them walking around approaching oeople and talking to them. Some sitting talk with them. This is what we tried to do in the past.
Observations
- Memories don’t come during the walk. The walk makes presence easier and so except when writing down some notes and memories, I usually stay on the walk.